So I decided to suspend my Facebook page... Yep.
And it honestly feels great!
I feel like this massive burden has been taken off my back.
I love cosplay and I have no plan on stopping but I began to doubt these " Fan pages"
I've made mistakes, I've grown and will continue to learn. I've matured and come to realize that I want this to be my beloved hobby and not my job. I don't want the attention I thought I once wanted. I want to make these costumes and bring a little life to them for my own reasons and share them with people that want to see them instead of forcing my updates onto everyones feeds.
I got back into cosplay in 2011. Everything was new to me again. I didn't have parents around telling me I couldn't wear this or dress up as that and I suppose I just wanted to push my own limits. I found people enjoyed my costumes more when there was less of the actual costume, it felt nice to have people recognize what I was wearing (or wasn't haha). It made me feel all those late nights, broken sewing machines and stabbed fingers were worth something. It's easy to get drunk of that kind of positive feedback but recently I began to see past it.
I've always been a people pleaser. The thought of anyone disliking me or what I do has had me in heaps on the floor. I fell victim to the pressure of wanting to be a "hot cosplay chick" because it was the cool thing to do. I wanted to fit in and be admired. I wish I had been a little smarter.
I don't regret any of my costume choices, some I wish I handled with a little more class but I wouldn't change anything.
I've had enough of what feels like this never ending competition for page views and likes and I refuse to try "whore" out half-assed work in order to meet peoples expectations.
I am not happy with how things were and it sounds like I wasn't the only one. Getting slandered and harassed just wasn't what I wanted out of all this. Far from it. Negative comments constantly about my body and appearance to people doubting my work. Just wasn't worth it all in the end.
I feel happy, the page is still there incase I ever change my mind so I'm just seeing it as an indefinite break from Facebook and the ever so popular "Fan pages".
I feel amazing at the moment.
I will cosplay who I want at my own pace. I've grown old and tired of the fame games and the nastiness that comes along with them. Back to the days with Fandoms and passion for cosplay.
Here from now on you will see a lot more heart in my work, more effort, characters I will cosplay because I WANT to cosplay them ( Chii, Fuck yeah! Chest bind for Chobits!) Right here on my dA.
I did this for myself and my well being. No one else.
And just like that I feel more motivated then I ever have.